Bring It On, 2010!!

Here we are, at the brink of a new year. It's been a little over two years since I started this blog and I feel as though I haven't done it justice this year. I will try to change that in 2010.

They say things come in threes. Specifically, "they" say deaths come in threes. I don't know why "they" say this...but "they" have been right so many times.

Early this year, our dog, Sable, had to be put down...she was 19, so she had a long full life, but it was still hard on Brian and me to lose a friend.

Then, in April, my best friend, soul sister, and closest confidant, Terri, lost her 4-year-long fight with cancer. It was a loss I couldn't fathom at the time, and still have a hard time believing. Sometimes I still think of calling her or texting her but quickly realize that it would be impossible. When someone's been a 20-year-long friend, it's hard to let go of the "usual stuff" like calling just to say hi or sending a daily email. It becomes habit.

It never occurred to me that "deaths come in threes". After Sable and Terri, I didn't think anything else would happen. Then, this past Monday, I realized fate still had its chance to make it three for the year. Three months ago, Brian and I adopted our puppy, Savanna, a 12-month-old Catahoula Leopard Hound, from Animal Friends Society, a rescue organization out of Tampa. This past Monday morning, she got away from us. She thought it was play time and started running around. She got carried away with her energy, ran out into the street and was hit by a car...killing her instantly. I still see the event in my head and I keep hearing that crack over and over again. I went temporarily insane I think. I fell prostrate when I heard it, screaming NOOOOOOO over and over. When I brought the car around and saw her, I just fell apart. Her blank eyes just staring up from the cold pavement broke my heart into a thousand pieces. A million. I was unable to move. Brian had to lift me into the car. I insisted on riding with her in the back of the truck. I wanted to be with her as much as I could. As Brian drove to the hospital I held her in my arms as her heartbeat faded away to nothing and she died. My sweet girl was gone. I sobbed uncontrollably. I don't know why Nature, or God, or fate, or what- or whoever saw fit to take our little girl from us but I do believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe this means that now we'll get to save another Catahoula from a shelter where he or she may have died without ever having been loved. That is my hope.

We can never know why things happen. But I firmly believe things happen for a reason. So I'm hanging on to that notion as we pass from 2009 into 2010.

I have experienced a lot of successes in sports, and a fair amount of personal happiness this year as well. I finished my first 100-mile run, a race I'll return to next year. I set PR's in a bunch of running distances and PR'ed in both triathlon distances I raced this year (sprint and Olympic). I achieved my first triathlon age-group win, and my first top-5 finish in a sub-marathon distance race. I ran my first sub-1:30 half marathon...a big step for me since I'm pushing hard for that 2:59 marathon mark.

Brian and I are still going strong, and we've really transformed our condo into an IKEA catalog! We have had some stresses this year with finances but we refused to let it consume us. Luckily now, with Brian's new awesome job based in Canada, we are doing much better. Christmas was a wonderful holiday for us as we, after almost 2 years together, have started wearing commitment rings, bonding our souls forever.

I got to find out what it's like to be a personal trainer. Although, in the end, I wound up going back to engineering full time, I now know what it's like to work in such an exciting field. I will return to it in some capacity, even if it is just doing boot camps and training a few private clients. It was fun, and I really made some great friends. Coach Q is not out of the picture!

People tell me to concentrate on the good and let go of the bad. This is definitely good advice. However, I would really like to let go of 2009, despite its good points. Having lost two animal friends and the closest friend I've EVER had in my 35 years, I'd really like to forget about 2009 and welcome 2010 with open arms. It really just HAS to be better. Although I can't guarantee that, I feel that 2010 has to be a better year than 2009 was. It's time to start a new year, a new decade, a new chapter in my life. I will return to Ironman racing in 2010, and I am hoping a lot of new and exciting things will happen over the next year.

Sure, there will be stress. But I'm stronger now. 2009 definitely built up my mental and emotional strengths. It revealed my weaknesses. But to 2010, I can only say...

BRING IT!

Say The Words. Reflect.

Some day you'll say the words "Fort Hood."
You'll say the words and it'll be like saying "9/11".
It'll be like saying "Challenger".
It'll be like saying "Columbine".
It'll be one of those things you remember forever. You'll remember where you were when you heard it happened. The WORST EVER mass shooting at an American military post.

I'm coming to see a few things that make me feel proud. One of my fellow triathletes is stationed at Fort Hood. As soon as I heard about what happened there, I immediately thought of her. Thankfully, she was not on post at the time, she'd been in Michigan attending the funeral of one of her Soliders. Of course, though, everyone who knew she was stationed there went to her blog to see what she'd experienced, or if she'd seen any of the action. I was one of them. Though I did not comment immediately, I read what people had wrote. The most compelling statements were made by other current or past military personnel. It brought tears to my eyes to see how much caring was involved, how everyone got past the "military tough-guy/tough-girl" attitude and just emoted.

What struck me the hardest, though, was not the caring, not the emotion, not the anger or turmoil the event elicited from everyone, it was the pride in their country and their military service, even though it was so difficult, that they displayed. It made me wish I was part of it. The trip from which Brittany was returning was a difficult one. I can only imagine how awful it feels to attend the funeral of a Soldier she herself sent to war in the Middle East. I want to quote what she wrote because I think it is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read in my life.

"I cannot tell you how hard it was to see my Soldier in that casket, to see the anguish of his parents and his wife, and then to see his little girl scampering about not knowing she doesn't have a Daddy anymore. I sent him over there, and while the Army told me to, I still sent him off. I don't blame me, in fact, I'm somewhat surprised at how much this has truly impacted me as I didn't know Brandon as well as one would want to as he wasn't assigned to us very long before we had to deploy him. Before, I would've told you that part of the burden of command was all those middle of the night phone calls when Soldiers did stupid things, but now I know that is just the responsibility of the command. Offering condolences to grieving family members, presenting them with their Gold Star lapel pins, offering a final salute to my fallen hero, and eulogizing his short 23 years, that is the burden of command.
…It is nice to see that there are places in America who, as a community, still know how to honor her Patriots who give the ultimate sacrifice. It's not about the war, nor the reasons behind the war, it's that a Soldier left the comforts of his American life to pursue defending that American life, and in so doing, his life was cut far too short."

I came away from reading her post, not sad…but with a smile. Not a happy smile, but a proud smile. People like Brittany, and the Soldier she sent to war, love their country. They take pride in their service and enjoy what they do. This country has its issues. As a society on the whole, we are pretty intolerant. I deal with it on an every day basis, both directly and indirectly, and it makes me angry, sad, frustrated…and sometimes I feel as though it's hopeless to think I'll ever really be an equal citizen in this great country. THAT…makes me sad. It also makes me wish I was part of something bigger, fighting for the right things.

I hear way too many derogatory words about life here. Yes, it's hard sometimes. Yes, we have our issues. But, maybe someday, the American society will stop to look at what we all enjoy without even thinking about it…thanks to people like Brittany, and Haley, and Jennifer, and Hayley, and Dave, and Mike, and every single Soldier fighting for freedom and for bringing that freedom to the places in the world that do not have it…and maybe they'll all realize we have a pretty fucking awesome life here.

Army Anxiety

Yesterday, on my last day of employment at LA Fitness, one of my favorite clients (who I've become friends with) trained with me. Her name is Hayley, she's in the US Army, and before she'd left for re-activation, I helped her lose 20 pounds. Unfortunately, a condition she "acquired" from being blown up in Iraq a year earlier (she lost her entire company over there...every one of them died, except for her...and she came pretty close) kept her from active duty upon return to the Army. So they put her in the reserves. As a result, she has to prepare for a Physical Fitness Test in a month. So, we decided to do the standard Army PT exercises to see where she stood (and I wanted to know how I'd score on the test). Her requirements were 17 pushups and 52 situps. She got 20 pushups, but only got 36 situps. Almost there...but she's got some work to do. We skipped the run part. She didn't want to run. I got 87 pushups and 75 situps. I would estimate my 2-mile run at 13:00 or under.
My scores would have been:
Pushups - 87 - 100+% (75 is 100%)
Situps - 75 - 99% (76 is 100%)
Run - 13:00 - 100+% (13:18 is 100%)
Total score - 299
S0...that makes me happy. :) 299 out of 300 for a first try!

Now...on to the anxiety part. Coincidentally, my OTHER friend Haley (no extra Y) deploys today. She'll be in Kuwait for a while, and then Iraq. I won't see her for over a year. I won't be able to talk to her for at least 6 weeks. I'm scared/nervous for her (and sad for myself cuz I won't be able to talk about CF and other fun stuff with her)...but so excited to see what she experiences there. Still, I'm having major anxiety over it. I didn't expect to be feeling this way. I'm having more trouble with it than I initially expected. She and I have become much closer friends over the past couple years. I lost my soul sister this year to breast cancer. I lost a close friend to brain cancer last year. I can't imagine losing another close friend to terrorists in the coming one. The thought of going to a sad military funeral makes me close my eyes and scream inside.

Upping My Game

Fifth Overall. How crazy is that? I totally didn't expect it. I also was surprised to see I won my age group. Where did all this happen you ask?

This past Sunday, I decided to do the Ace of Hearts 15K in Clearwater, as a tune-up for Marine Corps Marathon...just to see how my endurance is holding up (or should I say, how it is returning). I'm happy to say that it's almost back to where it should be! I still have a little work to do, as well as some mental confidence training to accomplish. But it's all starting to fall into place again.

For Sunday's run, my goal was to just go out and see how my breathing, heart rate, and endurance stacked up since I've started training harder for running. I wanted to see, also, how CrossFitting like a madman these past couple weeks has affected my muscular endurance. I wrote the following in my BT blog about it.

It was very hot...about 80 degrees and high humidity...at the start. The race started at the bottom of an overpass and went up immediately. After that it was flat with a few false flats for about 4 miles. On the way back there was a 10% climb and the overpass again, which brought the distance to 6 miles. It turned out that Mile 6 was pretty much all uphill.
Another flat out and back for three miles finished the race. My pace was all over the place. I took a gel at Mile 3 and felt good...but REALLY needed one at Mile 6, which you can see by my pace. At Mile 7 I saw a guy gaining on me and didn't wanna lose my top 5 overall placement so I turned it up. I'd noticed he was gaining on me when my pace fell into the 7's...so I figured he must be running about 7 flat. I thought if I just keep my pace under 7, I'd stay ahead of him. I was right. As my pace increased, so did my interval. I managed to stay ahead of him but he wasn't far behind. So I made sure to keep my effort high.
About 8 miles in, I was really feelin' it. I had taken my last gel at Mile 6 and I needed some nutrition. I was at the last aid station so this time I took Gatorade. I'd only taken water up til that point. I was almost done but I was afraid I'd lose my position if I let my effort get any lower.
At Mile 9 I thought I was gonna throw up. My pace was still about 6:40 but my effort was thru the roof. Only 0.3 to go... I came into the park and looked behind me. I was far enough in front of the 6th place guy that I knew I'd just be able to cruise thru the finish chute without a sprint, so I didn't sprint...I most assuredly would have thrown up. 1:03:33 was on the clock when I passed thru. New 15K PR by almost 5 minutes!!

I am attributing all this power/speed return to my focus on running, my giving up pure bodybuilding, and increasing my CrossFit volume. Today I wanted to have a long sweaty workout so I made up my own.

I'm calling this one "The Continuum"...
100 jumprope
Row 400m
21 pullups
15 clean and jerk, 95#
9 burpees
Row 300m
21 pushups
15 snatch, 95#
9 weighted jumping lunges, 2x10# plates
Row 200m
21 situps
15 overhead squat, 70#
9 weighted vertical jumps, 2x10# plates
Row 100m
21 squats
15 KB/DB swing, 1.5pood/55#
9 thrusters, 70#
100 jumprope
19:41 was my total time. It was exactly what I needed. I will continue to do CF right thru my MCM taper but I'll do easier, less taxing workouts. I still wanna sweat though.

The Closer I Come to DEATH, The Better I Feel!

I'm so psyched up today about my CF return that I just had to make ANOTHER post today.

The past few days I've really gone hardcore with my CrossFitting. I am kinda bored with the regular old workouts. I have become a HUGE fan of mashups, chippers, and multi-round workouts. Yes, 99% of CF's workouts are multi-round...but I'm talking about MEGA-multi-round stuff...like 7 rounds...10 rounds...stuff like that.

For example...
Tuesday
21-18-15-12-9-6-3 reps of-
95# hang power clean
Situps
Pushups

Wednesday
"THE RAMSTEIN"
For time...
Row 500m
25 Pullups
20 KB/DB Swings (1.5pood KB/55lb DB)
15 Overhead squats, 65lb barbell
10 Burpees
Run 400m
10 Burpees
15 Overhead squats
20 KB/DB swings
25 PullupsRow
500m

This one was absolute HELL...and I frickin' loved it!!

Thursday
For time:
50 situps
Then, with a 65lb barbell...
5 rounds of-
5 burpee cleans
4 split jerks
3 overhead squats
2 split snatches
1 hang power snatch
1 shuttle run (50m)
Then...
50 pushups

During the pushups, I actually fell on my face because I was just completely exhausted...I could not even hold myself up. The last 15 out of the 50 pushups were in sets of 5, I just couldn't get any more out. After it was over I couldn't move...I just lay on my back trying to breathe.

Tomorrow, I wanna do this...
(Thanks Wayne!)

“THE MAXIMUS”
For time:
800m Run
15 Clean & Jerks 115 lbs
50 Pullups
50 Dips
30 Burpees
75 DU’s
15 Snatches 115 lbs
30 Toes to Bar
30 KB Thrusters 35’s
75m Backwards Bench Drag

I.
FREAKING.
LOVE.
CROSSFIT.

The Insane VO2 Max is BACK!!!!

CrossFit has done it again I tell you.

About two weeks ago, I was genuinely nervous about Marine Corps Marathon. My running, because of my insistence (earlier in the year) on bodybuilding, had become slower and less efficient. It was when I had trouble keeping a previously "slow" pace for three miles that I realized I was going in the wrong direction. The last "nail in the coffin" was when I realized I'd stopped PR'ing in everything I did. I don't expect to PR in every race, but there were certain races I should have been faster in (case in point, the bike at Crystal River...I averaged 23.8mph last year and only 23.4 this year...it should have been well over 24).

I'm STRONG...but I'm not efficient. The good news is, the efficiency is returning. I've returned to CrossFit and have been doing more and more difficult workouts. I've stopped bodybuilding altogether in the last month and have been concentrating more on power, speed, and endurance. Sure I can still get stronger doing these things (clean and jerk requires strength as well as power), and I can still push up heavy weight doing bench presses...it IS a CrossFit move.

Last night my 5 mile run was supposed to be run at 7:30 pace...but my effort level was almost too low at that pace and I wound up running faster. 7:13 was my overall pace for the run and I felt great. In true CrossFitQ fashion, I immediately dropped and did 50 pushups, all in one set, after I finished running.

Not only is my efficiency, VO2max, and endurance returning...so is my confidence. This is big since I've been worried about my ability to reach my overall marathon season goal...run a BQ-worthy time (that's 3:15:59 or better) at every ROAD marathon I do this season. It doesn't count for trail marathons which will obviously be slower but road marathons need to be fast and efficient. Plus, I'd like to better my marathon PR at Gasparilla in 2010, since this year I ran 5 minutes shy of it (3:11 in '09...3:06 in '08). So, my training needs to be focused and goal-oriented. For this reason, I've shut down my idea for my "three-day Ironman" that I was gonna do at the end of November. Too much swimming and biking will reorient my focus in a direction I don't need to go in right now. My efficiency still isn't at 100%...but I'm confident that by the end of this month...by Marine Corps Marathon day...it will be pretty damn close to it.

It's time for CrossFit and running. That's what October thru February is all about. So THAT is what I'm gonna concentrate on. Or I'll kick myself in the ass come Gaspy day.

What? All of a sudden a marathon is making me nervous???

I've been pretty arrogant. Maybe not outwardly, but in my own mind, I've been of the mindset that a marathon is a pretty easy run. Moreover, I've been of the mindset that qualifying for Boston has become easy. When I ran at Boston, I went with no goal. But I came away with another qualifying time for 2010, which I'd already done three times over in 2009.

Suddenly, in the past few weeks, I've been shown (by my own body) that training matters!! I've seen some diminution in my performances over the past few months and my endurance has abated lately as well. I'm frustrated by this. I have never really had to work at my run speed before.

I realize that bodybuilding like a maniac for the past six months has given me strength and power, but I also realize that I am an endurance athlete, not a powerlifter or bodybuilder...and that power is replacing my endurance...so this is not acceptable. My goals are performance-oriented, not aesthetic. So, as a result of this realization, I've quit bodybuilding altogether. My strength workouts will involve CrossFit/intervals/Olympic lifting only. No more big puffy muscles. Just strong, dense, and tight. Size does matter...or the lack of it in this case. Big = slow...for me. I need to be small, light, and fast.

On my long run last weekend, which was supposed to be 15 miles but only wound up being 9 because of Achilles pain, I realized that I cannot just "wing it" anymore. I'm 35 now. My feeling is that, this year, my body has really turned on the reality check for my brain. My cavalier attitude towards my running is becoming guarded...vigilant. I don't feel that it's easy to just go run a marathon with no training anymore. I know that I can still finish a marathon at any time (for now) by just doing it. But doing WELL...that's another question now. It used to be no problem. I could just run forever. I hardly trained for the Umstead 100 and blew away my expectations and goals. But now, I feel as though without careful, diligent, purposeful, and most importantly, focused training, I will not see 2009's successes in 2010.

I am not used to feeling this way. I am discouraged by the fact that I now have to put REAL effort into my running career. I have VERY high hopes for Ironman Coeur d'Alene in 2010, but I will not reap the benefits of my fitness if I don't train correctly. The same goes for any of my running races this coming season. I was in the shower the other day, and I don't know why I thought of it just then, but I became nervous about trying to win the Bartram Forest Ultra. Last year, I was almost arrogant about my chances. I knew upon getting there that I'd leave with a first place overall. This year, I'm a little nervous that I'm gonna bonk or run out of steam.

I know I'm getting way ahead of myself. These races are all over a month away and I'm already getting faster. But I just need to stay aware that it takes work, and I'm not just building and retaining this fitness with no effort. Every year it will take more and more effort for me to stay competitive. I cannot simply outlive my competition, I need to outDO them as well.

Marine Corps Marathon will be a test of how fast I can get from injured to qualified. I'd like to be able to run a Boston-qualifying time at every marathon I race this season. For me this year, that's 3:15:59 or better.