I don't know what it is...but I just feel like people are erasing me from their lives. I'm probably totally paranoid about this, but this is the way I'm feeling. It just seems like all the friends I have here in Tampa always have something better to do than even have a quick dinner with me. I've been forced out of a few people's lives in the past, and it really hurts, especially when one of those persons forced me out for doing something I never even did.
Today a few things occurred that made me realize all my friends were doing things with each other, and not with me. Now, I'm not saying that my friends always have to include me. Not at all. I'm usually pretty adamant about the fact that I like to do some things with some of my friends and not with others. But what it seems like to me lately is that my friends are canceling plans with me and then going and making other plans with each other, and leaving me out of them. Sounds crazy right? Maybe so...and maybe I'm just reading into things...but I can't help the way I'm feeling about it.
When it comes down to it, I feel like my closest friends are the ones that live furthest away from me. Nashville, DC, NYC, California. Why is it that I feel like the further away someone is, the more they care about me?
I think what I need to do is stop chasing my friends around and asking for their time. They need to come to me. I am gonna just stop calling everyone and asking everyone to hang out and just wait for them to come to me...or not come. In which case, it is time to let the friendship fade away.
When Terri died, we all agreed that no matter how busy we were, we'd all stick together and be like a family...like we used to be. But the only person who's really kept that idea going is me. I know we all have busy lives. I have three jobs. THREE. But I still want to make time for my friends. I'm tired of the "oh I'm busy every day for the next five years" type excuses I get. So...I will stand my ground and just let my friends miss me...or at least hope they miss me. If they don't then I guess they weren't really my friends anyway, were they?
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