What's The Intent?

080922-0935

Alot of my time gets taken up with training. Alot of it gets taken up with work. And alot of it gets taken up with sleeping. But I feel as though I don't have a lot of time for myself. Sure, I have a great relationship with a great guy, but sometimes even being with or training with Brian takes up too much of my time when I really just need to be alone.

Lately I've felt as though my brain is overloading. Yes, it's a usual thing when you're training for an Ironman but I guess I feel as though I have lost focus on other things. I'm torn between two worlds.

World 1 is my athletic life. My triathlon life. In that world I feel comfortable, healthy, and able to attack any challenge that's laid before me. It's where most of my friends are. It's where my other half is. After dating a bunch of non-athletes, I decided last yeat that I would not date again until I found someone who "got me", who understood my lifestyle. Brian does. But only to a point. There is this totally different "other side" of me that pretty much no one gets. That's world 2.

World 2 is my I'm-only-like-this-when-I'm-alone side...my less than acceptable side...the side that wants to escape back to my old ways. I don't know how to handle this side of me just yet. I do know that my old "bear/cub" self resides there, and I still have friends in that arena that I refuse to part ways with. I have fun when I'm with them. It's just not where I can be successful. Yet the draw is there. And the draw is strong.

My intent with this blog, when I write in it, will be to try to put direction to all this haphazard thinking and to see where my true focuses lie. So many thoughts are coming to my head, I have alot to write about.