Turning the Corner...Slowly

081007 - 1035

OK dammit. I made a decision. I'm sick and tired of this effing depression. I know now what's causing it and I know how to fix it. Jess is right. I self-medicate. And when I'm not working out or doing SOMETHING that raises my testosterone level and my endorphin production, I'm down in the dumps.

But, unlike my original thinking in this matter, Zoloft is NOT the answer. I refuse to have to rely on a prescription drug that causes my brain to function differently. It makes me...NOT me. I AM an intense person, I AM excited about my athletics, I AM happy that I can keep up an insane energy level. Zoloft will take that away and make me flat. I do NOT want to be uninteresting and boring like I was when I was on Zoloft 4 years ago. I pride myself on my sometimes-over-the-top personality, its what makes me so unique among my friends. I refuse to have that taken away from me by a mind-altering drug. I want to feel good about myself, not just be content to NOT be sad. That's not how I want to live.

So...I have decided to re-order my supplements. Lipo-6X (because it has a mood-lifting complex in it) and Vitrix, the herbal T-booster I used last month (it's herbal, not chemical, so it's totally legal) and it will kick up my T-levels so I won't be depressed anymore. It was stupid of me to just come off of them like this...I should have known I'd be thrown down in the dumps. I've ordered it and it should be shipped today, and be here tomorrow. I should be back to my happy funny Q self by the weekend. This had BETTER work.

I just think this is a better idea than going on a drug that I will have to take perpetually. If I can get away with something that's easily ordered over the internet, and relatively cheaper than having a monthly prescription and doctors to pay for, then I'm all for it. If after a week or so, I still feel crappy, then the Zoloft MIGHT be the only option. But I'm pretty sure I'll find that I'm better.

I am confident that this decision will help me turn the corner on this depression and by next week, be ready to attack my peak training week for IMFL and then stay intense and fit for the taper weeks leading up to the race.