HTFU?

081001 - 1155

No. That isn't the idea.

Snap out of it? No. It's not that simple. This isn't just a mood swing. I'm depressed. Like "I hate triathlon" depressed. Not just "oh boy I'm tired". So I can't just one day be unhappy and the next day just decide I'm fine.

There needs to be a progression here. What I've decided to do as a start to help me climb this wall I've hit is to take a few days off and forget about triathlon, forget about my 8.2% bodyfat, forget about my 4:06 Fran. I have decided that putting myself into a "regular" lifestyle for a few days will make me realize how much I love triathlon. Then I can start up again, knowing that I have a career in a sport that is enjoyable, not joyless or stressful.

Here's my reasoning. I didn't go to Provincetown this year. I didn't go to GayDays at Disney. I didn't go to St. Pete Pride. Why? I don't know. But I do know that every year I do something to celebrate my "difference" in life, and this year I did not. This made me upset and caused me to long for a "recharge of my pride". As of yet, I have not had this. But the same goes true for my love of triathlon. I think that if I'm away from it, and I don't have it for a while, I will start to long for it, and I will start training again with fervor. Even if it is only for the last 4 weeks before the race.

Next weekend, I will be in Baltimore for the UnderArmor Baltimore Marathon. I'm looking forward to this race, not only because I love running marathons, but I get to see a friend of mine I haven't seen in over two years. She's in the army, and lucky for me, she was stationed in DC recently, so at her request (read begging day in and day out) I decided to hit Baltimore for my fall marathon (since I missed the registration for Marine Corps Marathon...grrr). It works out better anyway, since MCM would be 6 days before Ironman Florida.

Tonight, I skipped my bike/run workout. Tomorrow, I will skip my bike/run workout. Friday, I MIGHT skip my swim depending on how I feel. 3 days off is probably all I will want to take, but I might just take all of them. We'll see what happens. Right now I'm feeling confident that my strategy will work.

My friend Sue (she's a doctor, so I trust her judgment) took me to dinner tonight and told me that I just need to start incorporating rest days into my schedule. In the past two years, I've probably taken about 20 rest days total. 20...out of 730 days. Isn't that crazy when you think about it? And 10 of those days were one week rests after Ironman races. Actually, I only rested THREE DAYS after my first Ironman...am I addicted or what?

Anyway, the point is...after a few days' rest I'm willing to bet that I'll be back and better than ever. At least I hope I will. It's so hard to be positive right now. But I'm working hard.